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30 August 2008 @ 10:25 pm
[FIC] Change of Heart - Chapter Eleven  
Title: Change of Heart
Author: Amouralamer
Length: 11/20 (Unless LJ makes me split them up further)
Pairings: Jaejoong/Changmin, Others
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: Melodrama? Fluffy sap?
Genre: Au, Romance, Smut, Fluffy sap (Flap?)
Summary: Jaejoong and Changmin are straight, college students and fellow co-workers. A night out starts a chain reaction that changes their lives forever.

Disclaimer: Jaejoong owns me. Sometimes he loans me to Min.

A/N: YAY! I'm at the beach and I have internet access! WOO HOO!
Warning! Warning! The melodrama/Fluffy sap warning especially applies to this chapter!


It's been a week since they went to the club and Jaejoong still didn't know what to do with his new appreciation for the sexual attractiveness of one Shim Changmin.

He can't stop thinking about their almost-kiss. Playing it over and over in his head. Wondering what it would be like to really kiss him. To do more than kiss him.

He's never wanted another man before.
Maybe this thing with Yoochun is messing with my head.
But, Yoochun never makes him feel anything, no matter how touchie-feelie they get. Not once. Now he gets pressed against Min for like 2 seconds and he gets a hard on? What the hell?!

Jaejoong finds himself staring at Min's lips. Unconsciously, licking his own. I can STILL taste him. He wants more, much more. It makes him uncomfortable. It's just a phase. It will go away. Jae doesn't believe it. He is not even good at lying to himself.


Jaejoong, knowing that Changmin isn't going to suddenly decide he likes men and wants nothing more than to sex up his best friend, decides that he just wants things to go back to normal.

AND he's still running with his It's-just-a-phase theory. If his theory had been a pair of scissors, Jaejoong would have already put an eye out.

He and Min have been overly polite to each other. Stiff and unnatural and Jaejoong misses the way it was between them before all this. He misses his friend.

"Min? Do you want to come over for dinner? I'll cook all your favorite dishes."

It is with a feeling of profound relief that Jaejoong sees a genuine smile spread across Changmin's face. It feels like forever since he's seen it.

"That sounds great, Jaejoong, thanks." Min is happy that Jaejoong invited him. He's missed his friend.


Jaejoong drug Junsu to the open market to help him buy ingredients for the feast he was planning for Changmin.

At a nearby stall selling charms of protection, Yunho is trying to get away from the persistent salesperson without buying one when he spots Jaejoong and Junsu together.

Surprised, Yunho quickly plunks down some bills and grabs a charm decorated with a dolphin. When the satisfied stall owner lets go of his sleeve, he sets off after them.

Following the two men, Yunho makes sure to stay out of their line of sight. Wondering at their relationship Yunho thinks, They look close. Trailing them at a safe distance Yunho sees Junsu lag behind, attention caught by.....something shiny.

Knowing this was his chance, Yunho ran up to Junsu, grabbed his hand and drug him behind the next stall over.

"Wha...Yunho?!" Junsu wouldn't have been more surprised if he'd been abducted by aliens.

Yunho asks Junsu,
"How do you know Jaejoong?"

Recovering from his surprise, Junsu smirks. "He's my Hyung."

Not bothering to hide his disdain, Su says, "Changmin tells me you are in love with Jaejoong. It's funny, you know that first night? At the club? Jaejoong was there too. He went home with a girl and you went home with me. Looks like you got the wrong brother, nae?"

Ignoring Junsu's words, Yunho says, "I want to see you again."

"Why?" Junsu scoffs, "So you can fuck me and pretend that it's Jaejoong?" Reaching out his hand he teasingly tangles their fingers together. Tilting his head to the side he says, "We don't look very much alike, but it's all the same in the dark, right?"

Without a word Yunho uses their connected hands to drag Junsu into the public toilet. Pushing the shorter man into a stall, Yunho follows and locks the door behind them.

"Ooooh...bathroom sex! Dirty. Are you sure you want me here?" Su taunts Yunho. "The lights are still on."

Pressing him against the wall with his own body, Yunho growls at Junsu to shut up. "For your information I stopped being interested in your brother after the first night we spent together! After that night I couldn't stop thinking about YOU!"

Junsu is openly skeptical. "Oh, yeah? Then why did you confess to Jaejoong AFTER that night?"

Like someone pulled a plug, the tension all drained out of Yunho.

"You don't understand." His tone of voice and the look that crosses his face renders Junsu unable to speak.

Taking a deep shuddering breath that Junsu can feel rattle his own body, Yunho laid his forehead on Su's shoulder. In a quiet voice Yunho tells Junsu what he did to Yoochun. How he got drunk, cheated and Yoochun found him in bed with the other guy.

How he hasn't been in a relationship since.

"The guilt was overwhelming. I could never get past it. After the incident with Yoochun I broke down. I was a mess, guilty and hurting because I had hurt the person I loved." Yunho paused to look Junsu in the eye. "And I did love Yoochun. I loved him more than anyone.

Yoochun loves wholeheartedly, holding nothing back. He gives all of himself and he needs the person he loves to do the same. And trust. Yoochun gives it to everyone, but break his trust and you will never get it back. That is how he loved me." Yunho's voice is full of unshed tears. "He loved me without boundaries and I betrayed him in the worst way possible." Yunho shakes his head. "And it doesn't matter that I was young and so drunk that I don't even remember what happened. I put myself in the position where what happened was a possibility. I knew when I woke up and saw Yoochun's horrified face, seeing me in bed with someone else, that he'd never be able to see me any other way."

Taking a deep breath, swallowing hard, Yunho continues.
"My parents hadn't known that I was gay. At that point I was incapable of hiding it." Swallowing hard, Yunho let go of Su and leaned back against the opposite wall.

"When they found out, they disowned me. I haven't seen them since. They made me leave town. Told me they would pay my tuition, but I wasn't to contact them ever again. When I got to Seoul I didn't know anyone.

That was the darkest time of my life. I thought of suicide every minute of every day. The only reason I didn't do it is because I couldn't stand the thought of being a coward on top of everything else."

Junsu wanted to reach out to Yunho, but couldn't move. Yunho's words held him prisoner.

"I was okay with someone else doing the job for me though. I started wandering around the seedier parts of town at night, drinking and looking for a fight. Hoping that someone would come along and put me out of my misery."

"That is how I met Donghae." Yunho smiled a little at the thought of his friend.

"His brother is a cop and one night I got into a fight with 4 other guys, I thought this is finally it. I felt so serene thinking that my suffering was about to end that I barely felt the pain of their beating. They left me for dead. As I lay there, slipping in and out of consciousness, I heard a voice say to me that everything was okay, I would be fine and I felt someone hold my hand. I remember thinking right before what I thought was my death that even though this is what I deserved for what I'd done to Yoochun, I was just so grateful that I didn't have to die alone." Rubbing his hands hard over his face, he continued.

"It turned out that a man had taken a hooker into the alley that I was laying in and they literally stumbled upon me and called the police." He gave a short laugh.

"I was taken to the hospital and when I woke up, two days later, Donghae's brother was there. He was the officer who took the call that night and he wanted to make sure I was okay. When he found out my circumstances he took me home with him and that is where I met Donghae. They helped me get a job and get enrolled into school and let me stay with them until I had enough money to move out on my own. I'd be dead if it weren't for them. At the time I didn't appreciate it, but I felt indebted to them anyway. To pay back their kindness, I picked myself up and straighted out my life. At least on the outside."
Yunho paused for a moment, remembering.

"I love Donghae like a brother. I've tried not to let him see how much I still hurt, but I think he knows. And I try not to lean on him. I don't want my friendship to become a burden so I avoid him when the memories overwhelm me." He adds quietly.

"It is especially bad around Christmas."

Neither one noticed that tears were running silently down Junsu's cheeks.

"Last winter, on Christmas Eve, I was at home, alone and suddenly I couldn't take the silence anymore. Christmas always reminds me of Yoochun. Chunnie loved Christmas and he threw himself into it. My family never celebrated Christmas so all my memories of the holiday centered around Yoochun."

Quiet, lost in the recollection, Yunho finally shook himself and continued.
"I couldn't stand being alone with only my guilt for company. I had to get out. So I started walking. I don't know how long I walked or where I went. All I knew was that I didn't want to go home."

Junsu, finally noticing the moisture on his face, lifted a hand to wipe it away.

"That was when I found the Rising Sun Cafe. I'd never been there before. At the time I didn't even really know where I was. I'd just been walking and walking and trying so hard not to think that I didn't notice where my feet were taking me. Then as if from a distance I heard a bell ring. When I looked up I saw this beautiful creature step out of a cafe with an old woman."

Looking Junsu in the eye Yunho said, "It was Jaejoong."

Keeping eye contact with the other man, Yunho tried to make him understand.

"You know those grates in the sidewalk outside of the cafe? Well, as Jaejoong stepped onto them, steam billowed up from below and curled around him like wings. Surrounded by the steam he threw back his head and laughed, full of a joy that made me ache just to witness it."

Now it was Yunho's face that was covered in tears.
"He looked like an angel."

Sniffing a little he went on.
"Once the steam cleared, I just thought it was a man and his Halmonie, but then I saw the apron he had on underneath his coat and I realized that the man worked in the cafe they had just left. He was carrying the old woman's take out and holding her arm as they walked so that she wouldn't slip. I felt compelled to follow them. I watched as Jaejoong took her to her front door and politely refused the money she tried to press upon him. Bowing he said to her, I told you. Today lunch is on me. The old woman thanked him and started to unwind this red and white striped scarf that she had around her neck.

Gesturing for him to bend down, she wrapped it around Jaejoong's neck and as she tenderly tucked the ends into his jacket she told him I made this scarf for my late husband the first winter we were together as man and wife. He wore it every year of his life. You remind me of him. Jaejoong thanked her and hugged her and told her he would treasure it and bowing again he wished her a Merry Christmas."

Still looking Junsu in the eye, Yunho told him,
"I was touched by Jaejoong's kindness to the old woman, but it was seeing him actually wearing that old scarf everyday that drew me to him. I figured he took the scarf to be nice and he'd just get rid of it later on. I started coming to the cafe just to see if he'd wear the scarf that day. He always did."

Junsu, who had never known where his Hyung had gotten the scarf, spoke for the first time since Yunho started, whispering,
"Jaejoong loves that scarf."

"I started watching Jaejoong. I watched him with customers and friends and once with your parents and I saw that he was kind and generous and that he always smiled. He was always happy and he made everyone around him happy too."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest Yunho hugged himself.
"I just wanted to be touched by his warmth. I've been so cold Junsu." Junsu barely registered the fact that Yunho somehow knew his name.

"I've been alone for so long. Jaejoong was the first person since Yoochun that I thought I could try with. I thought that maybe with a person like that, someone so good, maybe I could move on and let the past go. It was a thought that had never crossed my mind before. I was too shy to approach him though and as time went by I could tell that he wasn't interested in me. Not in the way that I wanted him to be. So I just watched him from the sidelines. Wanting him, but satisfied just to be able to see him everyday."

Gesturing towards Junsu, Yunho said,

"Then I met you at the club and everything changed. I couldn't stop thinking about you even though I never thought I'd see you again. I decided to confess to Jaejoong because I wanted to be his friend and I knew he was keeping me at arms length because he was aware of the feelings I had had. I thought that if I confessed it would clear the air. Then Yoochun showed up and I never got the chance to fully explain myself. I was so shook up at seeing Yoochun after all this time that I just ran."

Reaching out his hands, Yunho cupped Junsu's face.
"I am not in love with Jaejoong. Your brother is an exceptional man and I'm so glad that I met him, but it's you I want." He kissed Su softly on the lips. "Please believe me."

Junsu nods and says gently, "I believe you Yunho, but I can't continue to see you. I'm engaged."

Yunho doesn't want to hear this and he kisses Su to stop his words. Junsu feels Yunho's deft fingers undoing his jeans. Grabbing the other man's hand he says no.

"I can't. Not only am I engaged, but my brother is probably looking for me."

Yunho just drops to his knees and reaches into Su's pants. Junsu starts to protest until Yunho's mouth closes around his cock. Yunho brings Junsu to full hardness in no time at all. Su can do nothing but gasp for air as Yunho sucks him, hard.

The man must have been a vacuum in his last life. Was the not quiet coherent thought that crossed Su's mind.

Then Yunho relaxes his throat and Su watches as the older man slides forward until his lips are nestled into the curls adorning the base of Junsu's shaft. Feeling Yunho swallow around him, Junsu loses it and comes, causing Yunho to choke a little. Pulling back, Yunho sucks and swallows until Junsu is spent.

Tucking Su back into his pants, Yunho stands and gives him a tender kiss.


The way he said Su's name sent shivers down Junsu's spine.

"I have to go." he says and is almost disappointed when Yunho lets him leave.


When Junsu finally locates Jaejoong again, Jaejoong is seriously annoyed.

"Where were you?! I've been looking all over for you!"

"Sorry Hyung, I was in the bathroom. Why didn't you just call me and ask where I was?"

"I left my phone at home or I would have."

Su, sticking his hands into his pockets as they walked out of the market, felt something foreign. Pulling his hand out he saw that it was a charm of protection, with a dolphin on the end. Knowing that Yunho must have stuck it into his pocket as he buttoned Junsu up, Su smiled.

Thinking of all the things Yunho had said in praise of Jaejoong and how right he was in all of it, how Jaejoong could make people feel good just by being who he was, Junsu pulls his brother into a tight hug and kisses his cheek.

"What was that for?" Jae asks and Junsu replies,

"Just because I love you and I'm so proud of the man that you are and that you're my brother."

Jaejoong is touched by Junsu's words. Beaming at his brother he hugs Su back.

"I love you too dongsaeng."


Junsu and Ye-ryeon have a date and Jaejoong convinces Su to invite Eun Bi. Eun Bi and Ye-ryeon don't get along well, but she is so desperate to get out of the house that she jumps at the opportunity without even asking where they were going.

"You owe me." Su whispers at they pass Jaejoong in the hall.


Jaejoong cooks so much food for Changmin that his table is almost entirely covered by the dishes. All the work was worth it though when he sees the way Min's eyes light up.

Over dinner, they slowly started to relax until they were laughing and joking and talking like they used to. Forgotten for the moment was the longing that they had each been plagued with as they lost themselves in the enjoyment of the other's company.

Moving to the living room they lounged on the floor in front of the t.v., playing video games. As Jaejoong's character kicked Changmin's ass yet again, Min could be heard to whine,

Jaejoong just laughed and held his controller up triumphantly.
"Jaejoong Hwaiting!"

Starting another round Min could see that his character was going the same way he'd been going all night. Down. Giving up any hope of winning honestly, Changmin resorts to cheatery and makes a grab for Jaejoong's controller.

"Yah! No cheating!"

Dropping his own control pad so that he had both hands free, Changmin tackled Jaejoong as Jae tried to hold his controller out of Min's long reach. Flat on his back Jaejoong held the control pad as far out of Min's reach as he could and still push the buttons.

Changmin quickly drug himself up his friend's supine form and snatched it away.

"Ha ha!" Jaejoong crowed in victory. "I beat you again anyway!"

Groaning at another defeat, Min drops his head into the crook of Jaejoong's neck.

Suddenly they both realized the position they were in. Min breathed in the scent of Jaejoong and pulled back to face him, dragging his nose along the curve of Jaejoong's jaw as he did so.

Staring into each other's eyes for an eternal instant, Changmin whispers,

"What is it like to be with a man?"

Now it was Jaejoong's turn to whisper.
"Let me show you."

Taking Changmin's face in his hands, Jaejoong stretches the non-existent distance that separated their lips and brought them both to the place they'd been dreaming of.

It was soft, exploratory, at first anyway. Soon they were kissing each other desperately. Needing to touch anywhere and everywhere.

Taking Jaejoong's chin in his hand, Changmin tilts the older man's head back and kisses down Jae's neck until he can finally fulfill his fantasy and nibble on Jaejoong's collar bone.

Jaejoong's hands are up under the back of Changmin's shirt. Sliding them down he slips slender fingers under the waistband of Min's jeans and boxers, cupping the rounded flesh.

Changmin is reaching for the button of Jaejoong's fly when he realizes what he is doing. Where this was going. Jumping off of Jaejoong as if he were on fire (it almost felt like he was), Min starts to back away towards the door.

"Jaejoong, I can't. I can't do this. I'm sorry Jaejoong."

Jaejoong drops back down onto the floor as he hears the door close behind Changmin.

He digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, but the tears escape anyway. He knows that he is attractive, people have been telling him he is beautiful his entire life. It was none of his doing so it was never anything he took pride in. He has never been vain, but he knows it. Knows he is attractive like he knows that he is right-handed, like he knows that he is a man. It just is. He just knows.

He has never thought about it. And he doesn't think about it now. All he thinks about is the fact that Min doesn't want to touch him. That he can't. And for the first time in his life, Jaejoong feels ugly.

Knowing that Changmin must be disgusted by him, must be thinking that he was a pervert, Jaejoong feels dirty.

Painfully levering himself up off of the floor, Jaejoong heads for the shower, still wiping the tears from his face.


Walking home, Min can't ignore the fact that he was more turned on than he'd ever been before, but he knew he'd made the right choice. It was a good thing I left when I did.

Thinking of Maki, Changmin knows he can't wait any longer. He wants his struggles with Jaejoong to be over and there was only one way to do it. Pulling out his phone Min dials his girlfriend's number.


"Maki? It's Changmin. I...I need to see you. Tonight. Can you meet me?"

"Sorry Min, my guardians are out and I'm taking care of the baby. You could come over here though. They wouldn't mind, they know they can trust you."

"Alright, I'm on my way."

Hanging up, Changmin thinks that this is going to work out perfectly. With her guardians out for the evening they'd have plenty of privacy.



Cast Pics!

The lovely Kim Jaejoong! Okay. So I put in the smaller pic, but I added a second one!

The exquisite Shim Changmin!

Horikita Maki

The charismatic Kim Junsu!


The aegyo Jung Yunho!


The sultry Park Yoochun!

The delectable Joo Jihoon!

Kim Heechul. How can you not love Chullie!

Kang Eun Bi. Blech!

Current Location: On the edge of the world.
Current Mood: bouncyVictorious!
Current Music: Get Me Some by Dbsk
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - amouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
asuka2507asuka2507 on August 31st, 2008 08:04 am (UTC)
brb~ heee~ wow for beach internet... ur place is awesome~
asuka2507asuka2507 on August 31st, 2008 08:30 am (UTC)
ahhhh~ joongie and minnie felt bad ne~ huhuhuhu XP at least suie knew how much yunnie loves him and how much they actually need each other... hwaiting ne~
(no subject) - amouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
rshauna on August 31st, 2008 08:32 am (UTC)
Oh yay for progressing Jaemin <3
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
Just wait for the next chapter! hee hee
hollyhock: Jaeminhollyhockyuu on August 31st, 2008 08:42 am (UTC)
No.. Changmin-ah if you take another baby to the workd I will kill you =_________=

"He has never thought about it. And he doesn't think about it now. All he thinks about is the fact that Min doesn't want to touch him. That he can't. And for the first time in his life, Jaejoong feels ugly."

That was one of the greatest phrases of all the fanfic I just loved it, is perfect, specially the last one.

Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! ♥
yumeneyumene on August 31st, 2008 08:54 am (UTC)
WOO thaks so much for updating even on holydays!! u are a saint!

OHH OH.OH:OH: YUN-HO~~~~~~~~~*tears everywhere* so so.... aghnf! When the cleaner arrived to that bathroom she had to clean JUNsu from the floor!! He just melted down over and over again at least 5 times!!

That was heaven...... and then...his girlfriend and enun bi´s date....hell!! not like his poor girlfriend is bad but comparing with Yunho...ahem ahem.. sorry for u girl, he´s just THE ONE.

WOW at last!! REAL action with the Jaemin!! *_* I frozen with Min´s words...

"What is it like to be with a man?"

GAH! so straight forward O_o MIN!

Ohh fantastic feeling of Jaejoong.. and FUCK! CHangmin is just going to do the WORST thing ever!! someone stops him!! That´s terrible for Jaejoong, for u, and for maki!! and there´s a baby in the house! pervert!XD
OH I have this feeling that Min´s plans are going to be REALLY wrong!!
ohh I feel the tension!! what´s going to happen?? ( Junsu, please scape your date and run off to Yunho...ahem)

ohh I want an update soonnnnnnnn
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :D
(Deleted comment)
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:58 pm (UTC)
Yeah, after I wrote out their history, I wanted to put them back together, but that would kill the HoSu.....
yapschan on August 31st, 2008 09:05 am (UTC)
I am an addict your my dealer ! more please hosu too good yunho confess yahoo !!
and min is confuse and want a F**** with maki !?! (because i know it's not love anymore !!)

thx for sharing
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
LOL! Thanks!
dongbangniedongbangnie on August 31st, 2008 10:04 am (UTC)
jaemin then hosu... arhh then yoochun will be alone. hope jihoon can be with yoochun or yoochun can find others.
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
I won't leave any of my boys alone by the end! :)
지지epiktraveller on August 31st, 2008 11:27 am (UTC)
NOOOOOOO...........................why did it end there..........................??

stupid...stupid Min! *whacks Min*
poor Jae....... *hugs Jae while whacking Min*

n HoSu~ its.....sad....*sob*

am i thinking what Min is thinking? if it is, hopefully something will stop him! >_
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
Mwahahahahaha! Cliffhangers are FUN when you're the author!!!
(no subject) - epiktraveller on August 31st, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
roughmetal2roughmetal2 on August 31st, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
whew, i just finished all 11 chaps in one go and i must say that you're one awesome storyteller XD. honestly, if not for the presence of changmin, i would have wanted jae and chunnie to end up together. i really wonder where all of these will lead up to. i guess, it would be jaemin in the end but what about junsu, yunho and yoochun? aaaah, can't wait for the next update XD.
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 02:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! That's so nice! ♥
romanchika: jaeminromanchika on August 31st, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
oh no! min why did you turn jae down?! *cries* they were so close to getting together! XD

and min's going to his gf? what are they gonna do?! NOO min you can't do this to jae! i wont forgive you! LOL it's bad enough that jae got eun bi pregnant T_T

keep the updates coming! ^^
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 02:06 pm (UTC)
I'll update soon! Maybe tonight, definitely no later than tomorrow.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Laurennarcolept_smurf on August 31st, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)
Man, and they were so close too!!!! T_T well, there's always next chapter ^_^
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
Hee hee hee!

I'll post tonight or tomorrow, depends on how stuff goes!:)
&katya;: Kawaii - Angry Domo-kunkatzk on August 31st, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
Jaemiiiiiin ahhhh
I understand why Min ran away. But he's got to think it over! >:|
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading and commenting!
狡猾な女_fujitsu_ on August 31st, 2008 03:23 pm (UTC)
aaaaaa.... can's wait for the next chapter!!!!
uwaaaaa!!! JaeMin..... HoSu..... <3333

but I feel sad about YooChun.. he seems still to have feeling for YunHo... T.T
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
8D Next chapter up tonight or tomorrow!
(no subject) - _fujitsu_ on August 31st, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Benevolent Dictatoramouralamer on August 31st, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
Mwahahahahaha! That was one of TWO of my favorite cliffhangers! XP
The second one is still to come! Hahahahaha!